Accelerated Tomato Evolution

Apex, NC,  Mr Trashcan Labs:
The crack MTC Labs™ scientific team who brought you the Ten Pound Eyeball®, Haxcalibré and Operation Ivy, are today, proud to announce a major breakthrough in the (un)natural evolution of the tomato.  As proof, the following photograph of a truly unique, ripened tomato were presented to shocked press corps members.

Staff scientist and world renowned fertilizer specialist J. Frank Randall recalls the breakthrough: “In our ongoing efforts to develop the self-righting tomato via the introduction of a prehensile tail, events conspired to leap-frog that goal. In one step, batch 3748-234 appears to have spontaneously evolved an opposable thumb”. Frank went on to describe the evolutionary leap as “Miraculous. In just four days, we have sped up the natural evolution of the Solanum lycopersicum at least 500 years. Imagine what we could do in just a few weeks with a Brassica oleracea!”.   Spam, velveta, etc…
When presented with this unassailable evidence, Mr Trashcan countered with reliable skepticism, “If true, this is a breakthrough of incredible proportion, but let’s be careful not to get caught up in the euphoria just yet.”  “Remember the Google pyramid scheme and all the anguish it caused everyone?” he continued, “Until an independent lab can reproduce this discovery, I for one am not welcoming our future tomato overloads (unless they are watching us now, in which case I humbly apologize oh lord host of the hoary netherworld)”.
MTC Labs™: where others chase dreams, we chase the money…®